I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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