FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
