I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
