she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
