Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Randomize
