I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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