i already hear my dad disowning me
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
