We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize