Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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