tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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