Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
