I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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