so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
