honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
