Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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