I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
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