Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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