My hand turned me down
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
