I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
