SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Randomize
