It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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