Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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