I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
jump out the window naked night went bad
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