we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
