Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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