Sry I called you an 8
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
