How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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