No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
