dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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