So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
