did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
