i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
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