The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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