Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize