I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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