smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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