Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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