I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
