I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Randomize
