so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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