heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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