my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
