Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Randomize
