Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
