Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
