she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
love makes seman taste better
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
