Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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