Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
