hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
