who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
