dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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