i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Vodka?
Forever.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
