I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize