last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
