I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
