I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
