MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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