She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
they're like a gay fantastic four
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
