Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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