i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
bring money and cleavage
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
