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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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