I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
