It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I have aggressive nipples.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
