We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
