Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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