I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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