brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
