Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize