My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
