Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
