if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
